The Wake Up Call
I’m a person who believes in the mystery of life. WTF does that mean? It sounds a little wishy-washy, doesn’t it? And totally non committal. I guess in the basic sense I mean to say that I’m agnostic; that I haven’t settled upon a definite interpretation of how this universe of ours is cobbled together.
I take bits and pieces of different religions, philosophies and scientific paradigms and I look for common threads. Some things can’t be argued. Of the scientific facts that can’t be argued, my favourite one has always been this:
“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only move from one form to another.”
When you really ponder over that one, it’s quite mind blowing. We can’t not exist; we can only change form.
Let’s add one more layer.
Consciousness is the most powerful force in the world. The way in which we view things changes the things we look at. We can change our external environment with our mind. In science they call it the observer effect; it means that the act of observing will influence the phenomenon being observed. That last sentence is the text book definition so if you’re still lost it’s on you, man.
Here’s how I break it down: if two people look at the same object, that object will appear differently to both. Why? Because it’s being looked at differently by both people.This actually happens.
That is big time awesome.
By changing your perspective you can change your life.
From all of the above I get this: at our essence we’re immortal and we can change our lives by changing the way we look at things.
You see what I mean when I say I cobble together bits and pieces of fact and make my view of the world!
Don’t worry if you’re still confused, so am I.
Let’s just say I’m not ready for an open panel discussion with Vincent Brown on the subject and leave it at that.
I decided to change my life this year by taking better care of myself. That involves consistently checking in with myself to make sure I’m thinking and acting in a way that’s conducive to my wellbeing. Has all that positive thinking actually changed anything?
It has. I’m now filthy rich and sickeningly good looking.
But has my life changed a little bit?
Wait for it.
On Saturday morning I was brought breakfast in bed. I got up at a leisurely hour and felt rested. I started my usual clean routine shortly after. Then, at approximately 12:25, my phone rang and shit got real.
Person on the other end of the phone: Audrey?
Me: Yes? (In my head I’ thinking who are you and why do you have my number.)
Her: Your nail appointment, did you forget?
Me: In my head: Oh sweet mother of fuck. To her: I’m-so-sorry-I’m-here-mopping-and-I-I-just-I-totally-ah-forgot-and-I’m-so-sorry-and-I-ah:
She interrupts me with a laugh and kindly says “No worries. I’ll book you in for next week.
I hung up and started remembering all the other things I’d forgotten all week and thought, hmm, there’s a pattern here. Then I got back to cleaning and totally forgot about it. Until I heard a knock on the door.
The coal man.
SHIT!!! I forgot to go to the ATM to get cash to pay him. Shite, shite, shite!
Coal Man: Well, how are tings. I dropped the coal around the back for you.
Silence as he puts his subliminal paw out.
Me: Ah, uh… hang on there and I’ll see what I have (knowing fine well it was about 27 cents).
I ring Gav. No answer. I contemplate orchestrating a fake phone conversation in which Gav says “I’m on my way,” so I can reply “Great. You’ll be here in ten minutes.” That way, I’m thinking, the coal man will just say “Sure look, drop it over when you can.”
I bawk and don’t go with the fake call. Instead I stand at the door and look weird. Then the coal man, calm like the nail technician before him, says “Sure look, drop it over when you can.”
I shut the door and thought, fuck woman, you’ve got to get your shit together. Nay good for the ticker.
Then I continued cleaning and totally forgot about it.
My phone rang again about 20 minutes later.
My sister: Hey, are you on your way?
Me: In my head (what is she on about?)
Then the penny drops. My nephew’s birthday party. I’M LATE AGAIN. What the actual fuck!
She cuts me off to calmly say “No bother, you’re fine. We’ll wait for you.”
I hang up. I worry about myself as I Flash Grodon around the house grabbing my things. Then, suddenly, the penny drops. A wise voice says this:
“You need to slow the fuck down, woman. In your head, you need to slow fooking down. There’s too much going on and you’re not in the moment. You’re not even a little bit in the moment. ”
All went quiet. I got in the car, took a breath and thought – how long have I been living like this?
The answer is bleak.
31 years solid.
That’s a long time to be living like a crazy person.
Saturday morning was a major wake-up call and, finally, I picked up the phone. I thought I was answering other calls but I was literally answering the universe’s call.
Universe: You’re really fucking things up, Aud. Your forgetfulness has reached fever pitch.
Me: I know, man! Like, totally, right? I get it, I get it. Thanks so much for the call!
Universe: Chill, woman. Get over yourself. I’m just glad you finally answered. I’ve left a million voice messages.
From that point on my was weekend was spent sauntering, chilling fire side, reading, meowing (but only when the cat was around) and, more importantly, being present.
I also drank more Pukka tea. The tea bag’s tag line this time? “A soothing dip in an organic pool of calm.” Marketing perfection or what.
So life is changing, one day at a time.
Self-Care? You’ve got my number. Call me.