Awakening The Giant Within…

In: Self-Care
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People fascinate me. When I’m introduced to a person I don’t usually examine things like the quality of their clothes or the calibre of their personal gadgets. I examine their body language and facial expressions for signs of kindness and a healthy sense of humour. I suss a person out through the words and expressions they use; how often they resort to judgement of others; their general temperament and other clues that would tell me whether investing time in getting to know them better would be worthwhile.

We all do it. People like people who are like themselves. We all sniff one another out. It’s a basic human instinct and the basis upon which tribes were formed back in the day.

If you’re a thundering bitch, for example, you’ll tend to gain pleasure from diminishing others.  You’ll seek out women who gain pleasure in the same ways you do so that, together, you can form an alliance of asshole-ish-ness. It’s likely you’d spend your time together commenting on other women’s hideous lack of taste in clothes and make-up. “State of her make-up, like. Did she get a slap of a chalk board or wha?” and “Watch the eyebrows, lads” would be the hallmarks of gang parlance. There would also be a fashion code, because that’s so cool, isn’t it:

mean girls

These girls probably stalk Facebook looking for ‘stupid’ Facebook statuses and plenty of other trivial shit that shouldn’t really bother them so they can have a RIGHT GOOD BITCH. Lucky for us we’re not in that category, right?

Even though I’m really young (31 is fucking young, RIGHT) I’ve been long enough in the tooth to know that I need to be around lighthearted, kind people. As much as bitchy people; serious, intense people freak me the fuck out. You know the ones – they hold a stare for far too long and they leave really long gaps between their words while demanding your attention with some scare-mongering story they’re making up as they go – hence the long gaps. They also deliberately try to intimidate you with their body language. Fuck these kind of people, right?

No.

Apparently we need to respect diversity. We need to let other people exist and go on about our own business, hard and all as that is. But there’s help out there.

I was at a professional seminar recently in which my colleagues and I learned about ‘the colours of personality.’  The system is derived from the Greek philosopher Hippocrates’ ‘Four Temperaments’ theory. Simply put, Hippocrates classified all people as such:

  • Sanguine – the happy fuckers; they’re most often positive and happy to help
  • Choleric – the hot heads. As you’d imagine these people are short tempered and irritable, but also feisty and passionate
  • Melancholic – the quiet ones. This shade of the spectrum analyse and dissect things
  • Phlegmatic – the great non-plussed. These people have long since given their last fuck and can’t be arsed getting upset because,well, that would waste energy

The ‘colours of personality’ characterize people in much the same way. Red people are choleric, and they need to calm the fuck down when they’re dealing with melancholic people, who are green/blue. Sanguine people are unsurprisingly yellow, and they need to tone down the jolly when engaging with an angry red personality. You catch the drift.

The seminar, while a little generalist, was a huge lesson in how to tolerate people who are unlike ourselves, which isn’t an easy thing to learn to do. But it’s crucial for our success in life, both socially and professionally.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been put off people for offences such as invading my personal space or talking in lion roars really close to my ear. But these people are just being natural and, just because their natural isn’t my natural, I shouldn’t discount their value or assume that there’s no situation in which it would be possible to get along with them.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m learning that I need to be tolerant of the things in others that I find ‘different,’ but intolerant of the things that would  unite me in opposition with all the colours of personality, such as thundering bitch behaviour. ‘Cause that aint never cool.

Knowing the difference between what is merely different in another person and what is downright unacceptable is a massive life skill and people who master it tend to be more successful.  Achieving such a power of discernment takes time, effort and commitment. I’m not even close to this level of emotional intelligence. Only yesterday I suggested that a certain character, from a domain of my life I won’t even identify for fear of narrowing the clue down too far,  should go and fuck themselves. I think my exact words were: “She’s a selfish **** of a naysayer. What he needs is a good kick up the hole. (I’ve mixed up genders to conceal the offender’s true identity. I’ve also censored unspeakably bad language).  But you get it, I was angry. Very angry with that person/bastard.

I really shouldn’t talk like that. It’s asinine. It’s dramatic. It’s not serving me. In fact, it’s doing nothing but flooding my blood with cortisone, that life-debilitating stress hormone.

How do I, or any other person who feels aversion to others so strongly,  get around these sorts of dramatic feelings?

For me, it’s about CBT and Neuro Associative Conditioning sprinkled with an appreciation of the different colours of personality. I’m learning about Associative Conditioning from Tony Robbins’s book “Awaken the Giant Within.” I don’t read books that demand anything less than the awakening of the slumbering giant of my limitless potential. I have big dreams, you know. And when I finish that book I’m going to read “How to kill every serious person in your life and get filthy rich while you’re at it.” I joke. I do joke. But ‘Awaken the Giant Within’ is proving a great read, and I don’t care if the more cynical out there would interpret the title as a clever sales pitch from a brainwashing cult leader.

Watch this space for news about my journey into Neuro Associative Conditioning and how it’s going to awaken my inner giant. And also blog titles such as ‘Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.’



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